When Stability Leads to Anxiety

In the chaos of our crazy world, having a bit of stability can feel like a breath of fresh air. It’s like a cozy spot you can always count on, bringing a sense of safety and comfort in the midst of all the uncertainty. But here’s the twist: that same stability can sometimes make us feel anxious. How is it that something we usually think of as good can also stir up feelings of restlessness or even fear?

The Concept of Stability

Stability is generally defined as a state of balance and security. However, when we expect life to remain balanced, we may feel pressure to keep everything in place. This can result in feelings of being trapped or anxious regarding potential changes.

And, of course, if we have limited experience with stability, we may not know how to trust it or we may feel we haven't earned it. When we are used to the struggle, peace feels suspicious.

The Perfect Life

Research by Kroeze et al. (2020) found that individuals who place high importance on maintaining a "perfect" life marked by stability often experience increased anxiety when faced with change. In their study, over 70% of participants reported feeling anxious even during minor life adjustments, demonstrating how our desire for stability fuels worry about the future.

And according to Sandstrom & Huerta (2013) in their research on the negative effects of instability on child development, someone who lived through a childhood marked by instability may feel paralyzed at the thought of changing jobs, even if their current position is unfulfilling. The fear of losing what is familiar can be overwhelming, leading individuals to remain in stagnant situations that may hinder their overall well-being.

Limited Capacity to Feel at Ease

There are many reasons why we may not have developed capacity to feel at ease including unpredictable responses from caregivers, volatile events in childhood, an unstable home/school/care environment, and/or a lack of emotional support. We may also have had adults in our life who praised productivity and shamed us for resting.

Building Capacity to Be Comfortable with Stability

Here are some capacity building skills to help you find a balance between enjoying stability and being open to life's uncertainties:

1. Mindfulness Practices: Draw a picture in the sand and watch it dissolve into the oncoming waves. Take a daily picture of the falling leaves in autumn and the new buds in spring. Noticing the ebbs and flow of nature can help us recognize the safety in change.

   
   

2. Gradual Exposure to Change: Start small by introducing tiny changes in your life—like trying a new hobby or altering your daily routine. This gradual approach can help desensitize fears surrounding change, making it less destabilizing.

   
   

3. Allow the Feelings to Exist: Allow the feelings of discomfort or fear to exist. Don't immediately push them away with distractions. Slowly build up your capacity to feel uncomfortable or bored or even anxious. Using music that causes an uncomfortable feeling can be one way to build capacity to hold these feelings, 3 minutes at a time.

   
   

4. Building Support Networks: Share fears and anxieties with trusted friends, family, or therapists. Having a strong support network can lighten emotional burdens and remind you that you're not alone in your experiences.

   
   
   
   

Navigating the Paradox of Stability and Anxiety

Stability is a complex idea; it brings many benefits but can also spiral into anxiety and discomfort when coupled with rigid expectations, fear of change or the belief that peace means something scary is just around the corner.

Adopting a mindful approach to change or instability, gradually accepting changes as your capacity grows, and nurturing stable, supportive relationships can help you find balance.

A serene landscape that embodies the concept of stability in nature (Shutterstock).